Ask Amy~30 & Looking for Soul Mate to Start a Family~ASAP!

Looking for Soul Mate


soul mateI loved your book and have been spiritual dating for about 4 years, and traditional dating for 6 years before that.  I am trying to keep faith that my soul mate is out there and am willing to wait and work deeply on myself, but my faith is running out due to the fact that I want to have children while I am young.  I’m worried that may soul mate won’t come along until he is good and ready… which could be past my prime for being a young mom.

When I was 16

I started writing letters to my future husband, I dated only quality men, and I felt sure that I would meet “the one” by about age 23-25, and have two little kids by now…  But here I am after 4 heartbreaking relationships, still single and 30 years old, and worried that my positive intentions have made no impact.  Advice for staying the course with a biological clock ticking?????

Anxious Allison

Dear Allison,

I think a lot of our readers can relate to this. And kudos to you for spiritually dating for the last four years! Because you are valuing yourself and making great choices in your dating life you are already further along than a lot of people. I know it’s really challenging when you’re ready to find your partner and it’s not happening. I have lived it! And just to give you some hope I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32. But I understand that when you want to have children age is an important factor. As far as I know you have till age 35 before you would be considered a high risk for pregnancy. So, you have four more years! And MANY Women have babies into their mid-40s.

You can definitely keep getting out and meeting people.

It doesn’t mean that you have to date them or get physical with them but the more people that you meet the more likely you will meet the right person. Especially if you have already done a lot of personal work. So, what about Meetup groups? What about hobbies that you enjoy? Basically, what about being super social and going out to places where you might meet the type of partner you are interested in. That could mean yoga classes or that could mean meditation classes. That could mean a biking or running club. It could even mean an environmental activism group. Maybe you enjoy cooking classes and could try that. Getting out and meeting people, even friends, is going to fill your time with happiness either way.

I think that you’re going to have to willfully keep the faith around meeting the right person to start a family. Maybe to take the pressure off you could look at different options as far as extending fertility or even freezing some of your eggs. In case you do meet the right person but it’s later in life. You are also going to have to get to the point where mentally and emotionally you don’t feel like meeting the right person later in life is the end of the world. Because even though we have a plan in our rational mind for our lives sometimes our higher selves have a plan with different timing.

Would it be horrible to you to meet the right person even at age 40?

And then use eggs that you froze if you weren’t able to conceive naturally? Start asking yourself those practical and real questions. If you make a contingency plan for every eventuality then you won’t feel as anxious. You’ll think, “well, it’s not ideal if I don’t meet my life partner soon but if I don’t here are all the ways that it could still work out wonderfully.” Then maybe that will take some pressure off of your mind and heart.

[bctt tweet=”Ultimately, you have no choice but to trust life! Life is really meant to be easy and perfect. Try to relax into that knowing and you can find joy in every day.”]

May your life be filled with love,

P.S. I think you will love this blog post I wrote on Spiritual Dating.